Match 6: Morgan Proctor vs. Harold Zoid
 
MORGAN PROCTOR'S WEAPON OF CHOICE: A filing cabinet
HAROLD ZOID's WEAPON OF CHOICE: His own ink
For the first time in Claw Plaque, two characters with one episode appearances
are joining Claw Plaque. We don't know much about them, but what I gathered from
the manual votes I got, you hate them both. So, whoever wins, let's try and see
if the other one can, at least, lose a couple of limbs. To ensure this, I sneaked
onto the stadium, when no one was looking, and planted 5 bombs around the arena.
They are hidden, so both contestants are sure to come to some harm.
GONG! We all know what that sound means; yes all 5 of us reading this.
"I'm going to requisition your ass out of this arena!" threatens Morgan, with
her tight bun of hair holding her favourite pen.
"Oh please, you nasty lady, you think I'd be scared of you with such a neutral
voice? Show some emotion!"
This seems to have really shaken up Morgan, she gets the pen out of her hair
and starts signing a form out of her cabinet. The form seems to say "blowing lobster's
head off". This doesn't look good for Zoid: once all the stamps are on, Zoid's
head will automatically blow up. She is just about to stamp the last stamp when
Zoid sprays a bit of his own ink onto Morgan.
It hits her eyes and she stumbles back, dropping the form, and it sets off
a bomb. BOOOOM! Morgan is really angry now. She knows that it's useless to carry
on signing forms, so she takes one out and folds it into a paper aeroplane and
throws it towards Zoid. It flies straight at Harold's eye, and he is temporarily
blinded. Morgan uses this advantage to rip one of the drawers out of her cabinet
and lob them at the lobster. They smack into the stomach, sending him flying into
the stadium wall.
This cracks the seating above, and poor Cubert and Robot Santa (last week's
competitors), who are in the audience, fall into the stadium A screwdriver that
Cubert was fiddling with falls from his hands and jams into Robot Santa's head.
He is dead; Cubert has defeated him. One of last week's spectators, Plasma, cheers
and waves his Cubert flag around, he then cancels the hate mail he was just about
to send to this commentator.
Robot Santa's head falls off and rolls over to Morgan's side, it looks like
it hit a bump... BOOM! Morgan's leg is ripped off in the explosion and it flies
right into the still dazed Harold Zoid. However, this only knocks him out of his
trance, and with her only having one leg, this fight looks to be over soon.
Just as Morgan has forced herself up and started hopping towards her beloved
cabinet, Zoid squirts some ink in her path and she slips. He manages to limp over
to the cabinet. "Perhaps this will revive my career," he ponders, before pushing
the cabinet down hard on Morgan, who is now hilariously paper-thin - how humiliating,
it doesn't look like she'll be coming out. A bomb goes off right underneath her,
leaving a rippling blood effect on the outside of the locker.
The emperor comes down from his podium, made of dead members of the mating
season, and gives Zoid his medal. But, his claw slips and the medal falls into
the sand, blowing both of Zoid's legs off; well at least he's got his medal to
show for it. Oh wait, that was melted away in the blast; but he doesn't care,
he's too busy racing the other residents to the filing cabinet to get a piece
of Morgan. But, doesn't that leave one bomb unexploded? Read on....
NEXT WEEK: Since there is one unexploded bomb left in the arena, the next battle
will have to be fought on the rim of the coffee cup-shaped colosseum. The participants
will be: Fry's mini-droid Vs the Parasite king. Instead of swords, they will both
be using those bopper things from (American) gladiators to try and knock each
other onto the bomb.
To see which one is blown apart, watch this space next week. But why sit there
having no impact on the universe around you? You can decide who wins by voting
on the voting form (but if I had to tell you that, maybe you shouldn't be using
a computer).
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